If we introverts ran the world, it would no doubt be a calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place. With the possible exception of Ronald Reagan, whose fabled aloofness and privateness were probably signs of a deep introverted streak (many actors, I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when socializing, feel like actors), introverts are not considered "naturals" in politics.Įxtroverts therefore dominate public life. To think of the few introverts who did rise to the top in politics-Calvin Coolidge, Richard Nixon-is merely to drive home the point. They seem to come fully to life only around other people. For one thing, extroverts are overrepresented in politics, a profession in which only the garrulous are really comfortable. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping.Īre introverts oppressed? I would have to say so. As often as I have tried to explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome.
Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. (They are also the source of the quotation in the previous paragraph.) Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people.
"It is very difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert," write the education experts Jill D. Or-my favorite-"a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population."Īre introverts misunderstood? Wildly. How many people are introverts? I performed exhaustive research on this question, in the form of a quick Google search. Our motto: "I'm okay, you're okay-in small doses." For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say "Hell is other people at breakfast." Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.Įxtroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings introverts generally are not. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts. Now I am here to tell you what you need to know in order to respond sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family members, friends, and colleagues. In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any number of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes. But at last I have self-identified and come out to my friends and colleagues. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert. Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world. If you are behind the curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. It has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information differently from other people (I am not making this up). Science has learned a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands-and that you aren't caring for him properly. If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious," or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out? Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?
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